Sarah McKimm shares her advice with a dental nurse who is questioning whether she should be more ambitious in her career.
The scenario
I’ve been a dental nurse for more than a decade and I genuinely love what I do – supporting patients, keeping things running smoothly, and being part of a close-knit team. I work part-time so I can be there for my young children, and while my job can be busy and stressful at times, I go home feeling fulfilled.
The problem is my husband thinks I’m wasting my potential. He keeps suggesting that I should train as a dental hygienist or dental therapist to move up in my career. He says it would be better for our finances and that I’m too smart to stay ‘just’ a nurse. I know he means well, but his comments are starting to make me feel small as if what I do now doesn’t count for much.
I know dental hygienists and dental therapists do brilliant work, and I really respect them, but it’s not something I’ve ever aspired to myself. Training would mean years of study and student debt, as well as less time with my family. More importantly, I’m happy where I am. I take pride in being a dental nurse and see it as a skilled, respected profession – not just a stepping stone.
Should I be more ambitious? How can I help my husband understand that being a dental nurse is not settling?
Sarah McKimm is a qualified counsellor with more than 20 years of experience in the dental profession. She is here to offer a space where dental professionals can explore the human side of dentistry together, looking at what’s behind the mask through a unique perspective.
Each month, she will take a question from one of you and explore it with care, compassion, and insight. Drawing on her dual background as a counsellor and experience as a dental professional, she aims to provide empathic, non-judgmental responses tailored to the struggles faced in this field.
While she can’t offer counselling here (or replace professional support where it’s needed), she hopes to share some practical tips, professional insights and coping strategies.
Sarah’s reply
Dear reader,
Hello there and thank you so much for opening up and sharing this. What you’ve written is deeply thoughtful, and the emotional tension you’re feeling is valid. Let’s gently unpack this together.
You’ve been a dental nurse for over 10 years, and I can hear you genuinely love what you do in helping patients, keeping the practice running smoothly, and being part of a caring team. That isn’t just work – it’s meaningful and it matters to you. Feeling fulfilled at the end of your working day is a clear sign that this role isn’t just a job for you, it’s something you’re proud of. Your role gives you balance. Working part-time means you can be present for your children, and that’s clearly a priority and a strength in your life right now.
Your husband’s perspective comes from a caring place but it’s hurting you. He thinks you’re ‘wasting your potential’, and suggests training to become a hygienist or therapist. Financially, that makes sense on the surface. But his comments are having another effect. You feel small, like your contribution now doesn’t count. You’re starting to question whether you should want more even though in your heart you don’t.
That conflict is painful. On one hand, you truly value your role as a dental nurse, on the other his pressure is sowing self-doubt. And those doubts aren’t coming from you – they’re coming from someone else’s vision of what ‘progress’ should look like. That’s a heavy emotional burden.
What you do now is more than enough and communicating this is vital.
How can you show that your career is enough?
1. Acknowledge your value
Remind him and yourself, that being a dental nurse is not ‘just’ anything. It may help to gently explore where your husband’s beliefs about dental nursing come from.
Sometimes partners hold views that are shaped less by personal experience and more by old societal scripts and outdated stereotypes about what a dental nurse is and does. For many years, dental nursing was seen as an unqualified assistant role, and that perception still lingers socially, even though it no longer reflects reality.
Today, UK dental nurses are registered dental care professionals (DCPs) with the General Dental Council. You’re bound by professional standards, ongoing CPD requirements, strict protocols, and patient safety responsibilities that have expanded significantly over the past decade.
It may help to reframe the conversation with your husband around your status as a regulated professional, not ‘just a nurse’ but an essential part of the clinical team. Your role has depth, responsibility, and genuine expertise. His assumptions may be rooted in an older narrative, and by sharing how the profession has evolved, you can rewrite that narrative together in a way that honours the work you do. Far from being a stepping stone, your role is a foundation.
2. Show him what being a dental nurse means for your life
Your part-time hours are allowing you to be involved in your children’s lives. Explore with him what this brings to you: being able to attend school assemblies, be part of sports day, home cooked meals and routine – whatever this looks like for you. This is not a lesser ambition; it’s an intentional and valuable choice.
Training to be a hygienist or therapist is more than just studying. There are higher levels of professional responsibility, likely more stress, possibly more hours and significant financial burden with student debt. What impact would this have on your wellbeing and the children who you work hard to be there for? These are important factors to consider especially when you currently feel fulfilled.
3. Be honest about the emotional impact
It’s okay to tell him: ‘When you say I’m wasting potential, it hurts. I feel like what I do isn’t enough, but it is enough for me right now.’ Vulnerability can be powerful. Framing it in terms of how valued you feel (or don’t), what you want for your life in this period of life can open his eyes.
4. Set boundaries and expectations
You don’t have to decide today whether you’ll ever train further. Make it clear to him that conversational pressure doesn’t feel supportive. You might say: ‘I hear your desire for me to progress but I also need you to hear me. I’m not discounting growth, but I want it to come from me, not to please someone else.’
5. Explore, but don’t rush
If he’s genuinely concerned about finances, you could explore options together but on your terms. What would training really look like? How long? What would debt or time away from family cost? What do you both gain, and what might you risk? That way, any decision is more collaborative rather than a demand.
You’re allowed to love what you do. You’re allowed to feel fulfilled as you are now. Your worth is not measured in how far you can go, but in how purposeful and balanced your life feels to you. It’s absolutely okay to say: ‘I’m happy where I am and that is not settling.’
You deserve to be seen and valued for the incredible care and commitment you already bring to your role. I hope you can find a way to communicate that to your husband firmly but lovingly.
Take gentle care,
Sarah
Catch up with more Chairside Chat articles here:
- I feel trapped by the financial pressure of practice ownership
- Inappropriate behaviour from a colleague: how should I respond?
- I’m nervous to return to dentistry after extended sick leave
- My employee’s personal life is impacting my dental business
- How do I stay relevant when the dental profession is changing so fast?
