Written by: Alan Stern, DDS
I like to think I’m in pretty good shape for a guy half my age. I work hard at it, and the results are clear.
But as I’ve settled into my new 55-and-over community—with a new gym, new classes, and new classmates—some new realities have set in.
Back at my old gym, I worked out alongside people much younger than me. They admired my drive, my strength, and my endurance. It was a nice affirmation of the power that comes from persistence and self-discipline.
Here, though, surrounded by my fellow gray-haired athletes—mostly women, by the way—I found myself humbled. These folks were crushing it while I was huffing and puffing. And then it hit me: the dreaded comparison trap.
I had walked into class thinking I was exceptional—“better than most.” Suddenly, I was just one of many who were strong, disciplined, and determined. And in that moment, I realized something bigger:
We can’t compare ourselves to who we think others are.
We can only measure who we are becoming.
When we focus on what others appear to be achieving, we rob ourselves of the joy of recognizing our own progress. True strength isn’t about being the best—it’s about getting better, one rep, one step, one day at a time.
During one especially tough HIIT session—45 seconds of mountain climbers followed by 45 seconds of push-ups—I found myself wondering, What’s wrong with me?
Back home, I was “killing it.” Now, I was struggling just to keep up.
After class, I said to Coach Rona, “That was great, but I feel weak.”
She looked at me and said calmly, “You’ll get there—don’t worry.”
Wait—get there? I thought I was there! The guy once crowned “King of the Plank” suddenly realized he was learning all over again.
How humbling—and how educational.
Did I Really Fail?
Two days later, I came back. Midway through another tough class, I faltered on a set of walk-out burpees—right as Marcia, the powerhouse next to me, did the same.
We looked at each other, exhausted and frustrated.
“Let’s go—just one more!” I gasped.
And we did.
That moment reminded me: failure isn’t falling short—it’s quitting. I didn’t fail. I was growing.
At our age, the old thinking said we should be deteriorating. But the truth? We’re still building strength—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
And just as in the gym, when we struggle in practice or in life, the right coach or colleague can help us dig deeper and do things we never thought possible.
That, my friends, is the gym lesson—and a perfect metaphor for dentistry.
The Gym and the Operatory
I talk to dozens of dentists each month. Almost all share the same story:
- Procedures that don’t go as planned.
- Restorations that fall short of perfection.
- Cash flow that dips.
- A patient who derails the day.
- A team member who’s off their game.
And what do we do?
We internalize it. We call ourselves failures.
But here’s the truth: you are not your worst moment. You’re a trained, compassionate professional who succeeds far more often than you stumble.
Progress in dentistry, like progress in fitness, is rarely linear. Every athlete, every clinician—even the best—has setbacks. That’s why we call it “practicing” dentistry.
From Shame to Growth
Shame is destructive and needless. Growth, however, is transformative.
When you encounter a challenge—whether it’s an open margin, a loose crown, or a grueling HIIT circuit—ask yourself:
“What can I learn from this? Who can help me see it more clearly?”
Beating yourself up won’t make you stronger. Seeking insight will.
As psychologist Carol Dweck reminds us, “Becoming is better than being.”
And as Avrom King said, “You can only take responsibility for the purity of your motive and the clarity of your communication.”
So let’s stop comparing our insides to someone else’s outside. Celebrate your own progress. See greatness in your own journey. The small, consistent improvements you make—professionally, physically, emotionally—are what define success.
Keep showing up. Keep learning. Keep lifting—your weights, your skills, and your spirits.
Keep learning. Keep growing. Teach. Learn. And enjoy the ride.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alan Stern, DDS, retired from clinical dentistry in 2023 and now operates Better, Richer, Stronger, LLC. He is a dental practice coach, keynote speaker, and author.
His book, Enjoy the Ride, is available on Amazon.
Join his Facebook group, strangely called Better, Richer, Stronger.
He can be reached at [email protected].
