Married at First Sight star Nelly Patel shares the details of her time on the show and how working in dentistry has shaped her outlook.
My real name is Neelima – but I’ve been going by Nelly since I was 10 and it just stuck. I studied dentistry at the University of Sheffield and then ended up doing max fax as a dental foundation trainee at Derby Hospital – that’s where I decided that I loved the surgical side of things. During COVID, I started a salaried cosmetic dental training position at Kiss Dental in Manchester, and I’ve been here ever since.
Married at First Sight was a completely different experience. I was unsure about doing it right up until the end, but knowing everything that’s come out of it so far, I’m really glad I did.
Firstly, I learned a lot about myself. I thought I was a healed queen, which I found out I clearly wasn’t during this experiment – in a really good way. It brings your deepest insecurities to light, even things I thought I’d overcome and dealt with.
Overcoming negative patterns
For me, those insecurities are mainly relationship-based. My relationships haven’t been so great in the past; I have been cheated on by every single man I’ve loved. It’s pretty tragic, isn’t it?
For a long time you do blame yourself and ask, what is it about me that’s causing this? At the time my friends said the right thing and I would tell myself the right thing – it’s not you, it’s a problem with them. But there is always that niggling voice inside your head saying: ‘Yeah, but are you sure it’s not your fault?’
I think I always believed that I wasn’t enough for people, or maybe that I was too much. I’m really open with my feelings, really emotional. People I’ve known for a long time are used to that and deal with it well, but not everyone does.
And there will definitely have been ways in which I was contributing to the negative patterns of my past relationships – maybe allowing behaviours to continue. On a recent episode of Married at First Sight, I felt like I couldn’t speak about conflict or things that were bothering me because it would rock the boat. I have often felt like I’m treading on eggshells in that way.
I’ve now learned that’s a really dangerous and unhealthy place to be in with relationships. I’m quite a spiritual person so I truly believe that lessons like that will be repeated until you truly learn them.
Highs and lows
My time on the show was not always easy. Things between Steven and I started on a super high, then we crashed into a low. We’re at the stage now where we’re trying to build things up – it’s been a real test.
It’s unlike anything I’ve done before, because you’re completely taken away from your normality. I wasn’t working and I didn’t have my usual bubble of friends or family to lean on.
You do have your phone taken away, but obviously if you are struggling you can reach out to loved ones. I even made sure that my work contacts were able to reach me in case of any issues with patients. On the whole though, I actually really wanted to immerse myself in the experiment and see if I could make the relationship work.
As hard as it was having that learning experience aired in front of millions of people, I don’t think I could get that growth anywhere else. Right now I’m just feeling really grateful.
How does working in dentistry impact romantic relationships?
I feel sure that my career in dentistry has had a big impact on my experience on the show. I always think that the interviews I had to do to get into uni were probably awful, because I used to get really nervous and forget how to speak. But being in a role where you are constantly communicating with patients from all walks of life, you learn to adapt. As ever, practice makes perfect.
The skills I’ve developed for trying to articulate a complex treatment plan without overwhelming the patient have really helped me communicate my own feelings a bit better.
That said – and I know people will have different opinions on it – I do think that working in dentistry can hinder romantic relationships. Firstly, I work full time. Sometimes I’ll work from nine until seven o’clock, and then I have to home and catch up on my notes. By the time I’m finished it’s literally nine or 10pm and I’ve got to go to bed. That lifestyle is quite demanding.
Before Married at First Sight, I was also trying to gain a social media presence to get my cases out there. That’s a lot more work than I first realised and it does keep me extremely busy. A lot of my friends who aren’t dentists will say I’m the busiest person that they know.
‘It’s about finding the right man’
And do you know what? I actually feel that this level of dedication to your career can put men off. Sometimes I think they can be a little bit intimidated by it. That’s just my personal experience and I know others will disagree.
At the end of the day, it’s about finding the right man. The wrong man for me is someone who would be intimidated by my career and my schedule. I’ve learned that I don’t need to shrink myself to please someone and make their ego feel better. I should revel in whatever success I’ve had so far, and commend myself for how far I’ve come.
Obviously I’ve still got so much to learn and so much more to to do, but I will never reduce my achievements for the sake of a man again. The main thing I’ve taken from MAFS is the importance of fully backing myself, and I’ll be taking that forward into my everyday life – whether that be in relationships, friendships, or at work. You can’t put a price on that confidence.
The human face of dentistry
One of the main reasons I wanted to go on Married at First Sight is that south Asians are underrepresented on reality shows. You don’t often see Indian girls on TV. Growing up, I always used to think, ‘Why can’t we do this kind of thing?’
Luckily, I come from a very open minded family that welcomed my appearance on the show and were happy to support me on the journey. That was really, really important to me.
Of course, I also wanted to give dentists their time to shine. Look, doctors have had their chance – there was a doctor on Love Island, for example. But I still feel that there is a bigger stigma with dentistry than with medicine. I thought that if I could make a positive impression on one of the biggest reality TV shows in the UK, I would be able to humanise dentistry and dentists.
Representing the profession
Dentists such scary, awful people to a lot of the public – I wanted to show that once we’re out of our scrubs, we’re just ordinary people. I am just a normal girl who is struggling in her dating life. I go out with friends, I love brunch and pilates. Dentists are normal people with feelings too.
There’s also a lot of responsibility that comes with that. You never want to do anything that could cause the public to lose confidence and trust in the profession. I remember joking with my friends saying I’d have to be on my best behaviour. My worst nightmare would be going on the show and having other dentists saying: ‘I promise not all dentists are like that!’
But I also had to be true to myself – as long as I treated people with kindness and kept my integrity, that’s all anyone could ask for. Actually, that’s how I try to live my day-to-day life.
The response from my peers in dentistry has been extremely supportive. I’ve been overwhelmed with a lot of love, which I didn’t expect to be honest.
Reliving the emotion
I think the show was a bit of a harder watch for my family and close friends because of all the ups and downs. It’s hard for me to watch it as well – it brings up everything I was feeling at the time. We did have a really amazing welfare team on hand, but there are always going to be emotions to navigate. Reliving it all while working a full time job has been challenging as I haven’t taken any time off while the show airs.
It’s so strange watching everyone react to the show while I go about my everyday routine, especially on social media. I’m glad to have an escape from it at work so I’m distracted from some of the craziness. I mainly chose to throw myself back into the real world because my biggest priority is my patients and doing the best dentistry that I can.
When we were filming Married at First Sight, I made sure that all of my patients’ treatment plans were at a stage I was happy with. I worked six days a week to finish a lot off, and I referred others for hygiene or stabilisation so they would be ready for cosmetic work when I was back.
‘I’ll never give up dentistry’
Dentistry will always be my first and foremost career. I have put so much work into it – I didn’t do all of this to get to where I am to then throw it away. Apart from anything, I really enjoy it. It sounds so cheesy, but I love getting those messages or seeing the tears as people tell me I’ve massively helped their confidence. I remember when I had my own braces off – it truly is life changing.
I get a lot of patients who come in post-breakup or post-divorce, and I love helping them feel like their best selves. That’s what I’m really all about: people feeling incredible about themselves, especially women. If I can even help you feel five to 10% more confident in yourself, then that’s a win for me. So I’ll never give up dentistry.
Depending on how it all goes, I could have a bit more of a social media presence on the side. I would love to educate patients a bit more about dentistry rather than a lifestyle influencer that talks about my matcha and brunch. I want to do something meaningful with it.
What’s coming up on Married at First Sight?
One of the best things I’ve taken from Married at First Sight is some really, really good friends. I already feel like I’m going to know these people for life – we talk and Facetime every day. I even went to Ibiza with a couple of the girls over summer. We are so close that it was hard not to be able to post any photos with them before the cast was announced. In a way though, it was nice to be in our own little bubble away from everything for a few weeks.
I can’t reveal much about what’s coming up on the show, but I will say that it’s going to be an incredible season – strap in kids! Alongside the ups and downs of my own journey, the season as a whole is full of surprises.
I can’t wait to hear the response to the rest of the episodes – I just hope that I can make my friends, my family and also the dental community really proud.
