Written by: Alan Stern, DDS
Recently, a dentist shared an unsettling experience on social media. A patient had told the front-desk administrator that the dentist “wasn’t nice.” The dentist’s response was telling: he questioned whether he even needed to be nice to everyone and stated that he didn’t want to know about patients’ lives.
That post stopped me cold—not because it was shocking, but because it revealed a misunderstanding that quietly erodes trust in healthcare every day.
I learned a simple truth many years ago at the Pankey Institute, one that has stayed with me throughout my career:
“What does a patient owe you when they leave your office? Nothing. You owe THEM a reason to come back.”
In almost every dental practice—with the exception of the highest-level surgical and prosthodontic referrals—it’s not about the dentistry. It’s about how people feel in your office. And even in those elite specialty practices, attitude, respect, and empathy from every team member still influence case acceptance and office selection.
Think about it honestly: would you trust your own healthcare—or spend significant money—on someone who clearly doesn’t care about you as a person?
Technical skill is essential. But it is not sufficient.
Kindness, empathy, and respect are not personality quirks or optional add-ons. They are part of our professional responsibility in healthcare. They are woven into the privilege of being trusted with another human being’s well-being.
This isn’t about being overly familiar or intrusive. It’s about understanding something fundamental about human nature.
Alanism #10 states it simply: “Everyone needs an SOB—a Sense Of Belonging.”
As Brené Brown has said, humans have an irreducible need for love and belonging. Research consistently confirms that even introverts—who may prefer less stimulation—have the same core need for acceptance, dignity, and respect as extroverts. They just experience it differently.
If you reflect on the happiest moments of your life, chances are they didn’t center on accomplishments or transactions. They involved being seen, respected, loved, and valued by others. That doesn’t change when someone sits in a dental chair or walks into your office to work a full day.
This principle applies just as powerfully inside the practice.
Another recent post asked how a dentist should respond when a hygienist leaves calculus behind that the dentist notices during the exam. The clinical issue is real—but the leadership moment matters just as much.
The solution is straightforward and dignified: excuse yourselves from the room, quietly and respectfully mention the area of concern, return to complete the exam, and allow the hygienist to do a final check before dismissal. The patient is cared for, the hygienist’s dignity is protected, and trust remains intact.
Later—privately and with curiosity, not accusation—the issue can be discussed collaboratively, with the goal of growth and support. This same approach applies to associates, assistants, administrators, and leaders alike.
Correction does not require humiliation.
Leadership does not require dominance.
Respect under pressure is the true test of professionalism.
Kindness also plays a critical role in career satisfaction. Practices that lead with empathy experience stronger team cohesion, better retention, fewer conflicts, and higher overall morale. People do better work when they feel respected. Patients accept treatment more readily when they feel heard. Teams function better when dignity is preserved.
As Maya Angelou famously said, people may not remember what you said or what you did—but they will never forget how you made them feel.
In dentistry, how we make people feel—patients and team members alike—is not incidental. It is central to who we are as practitioners.
Kindness is not soft.
Empathy is not weakness.
Respect is not optional.
They are the foundation of trust, growth, and fulfillment in a profession that asks a great deal of those who choose it—and gives us the privilege of serving others in return.
And those we serve.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alan Stern, DDS, retired from clinical dentistry in 2023 and now operates Better, Richer, Stronger, LLC. He is a dental practice coach, keynote speaker, and author.
His book, Enjoy the Ride, is available on Amazon.
Join his Facebook group, strangely called Better, Richer, Stronger.
He can be reached at [email protected].
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: Michail Petrov/Shutterstock.com.
